Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Petr Jiracek

Okay.  As I stated in an earlier post, finding biographical, "National Enquirer"-er information about some of the lesser known footballers has been like trying to find Plutonium. Because of this lack of internet information, my new Euro 2012 boo, Petr Jiracek, is a mere shadowy figure in my dreams. My Czech incubus.  There is not dust on this kid on the interwebs in the form of good, juicy gossip that we girls care about.  So, I will go with the bare facts that I have learned, and then I will replay the interview that Petr and I had in my head after I obviously ingested some bath salts.  And, yes in that interview I did try to eat his face- but not in the cannibal Miami way. Kidding.  There is no interview- I am not that crazy.

This 26-year-old midfielder is a 5"11 Pisces Tiger born on 3/2/1986.  He plays for the German team Vfl Wolfsburg after signing a four and a half year deal in December 2011.  Goal.com just named him World Player of the week Monday, but I knew that on Saturday after the game in which they defeated Poland 1-0. Not only did Jiracek score the beautiful winning goal, minutes later he took a shot to the face to block a long- range Polish attempt.  Hmmm.  A dominate and a submissive? I can get on dick with that (apologies- he brings it out of me).

Please let me say that I don't think for a hot minute this dude is the best looking or best player I have seen since June 8th. He's not.  But he's a great athlete and when those crazy ass, nearly demonic eyes are stilled, as in the lead picture, I want him to lie with me in the grass looking up at the sky until we can perfect the castle in the clouds in which we are going to live forever.  Yeah, that.  There is just something about him.

When I watch him charge down the pitch-hair flying, eyes ablaze, face set in a fierce mask of steely determination- he doesn't seem so much to be chasing a ball as he seems to be leading a people.  I want to jump on a horse and charge behind him and kill anything that threatens him, then stretch along beside him and have his babies.  He brings that crazy-murderous-emboldened-frightened- I will do anything for you- but if you betray me I will do anything to you- Medea type madness.  And if I can get all that through the television, can you imagine what would happen if I met him?  I'd probably sniff his neck for an obviously and inappropriately too long amount of time, orgasm, and start crying.  I kid, bitches. Only 2 of those 3 things would happen. Seriously though, he's mad intense and I find that I love that so much-perchance because it's the opposite of me, but that's more a discussion for my Snoopy journal than this blog.

I know that when the Czechs play Portugal tomorrow many eyes will quietly sneak side glances at Crissy- no matter how much bitches claim to hate him and chant "Messi" while he's playing.  He's a pretty, pretty man- my eyes will surely be watching him too. But when I see my modern day foot warrior charge down the pitch, that's where my eyes will land and stay: on this Petr Jiracek ("Jiracek" doesn't really translate to English from the insane babble in my brain, but it basically means, "I will drag you in a cave and take you, and you will like it.") And although Portugal is heavily favored in this match, and I have thus far been unable to decide which team to scream for through the end of the tourny, I know now that I will be on my horse behind Jiracek and his men until the final whistle is blown.

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Ibrahim Afellay

Before the Euro 2012 started, I decided that I was going to go through each of the 16 teams and pick out some of the lesser known, at least on this side of the pond, hotties.  Yeah, easier said than effin' done.  Most of the information that I saw was statistical about the players and teams, but there was little to nothing in the way of photos or good, gossipy personal information.  Sad face with thumbs down, right?  Coupling that with the fact that I am lazy as hell, I decided to let that idea go and simply watch the tourny and enjoy the beautiful games.

Although the Russia/ Czech Republic game was painful to watch Friday, and it was shocking to watch the Netherlands go down yesterday to the Danish team, I am not one to harp on the negative:  When life gives me lemons..., I am thankful the thorns have roses..., since the house is on fire I warm myself. I am a walking positive attitude platitude. Yesterday was no exception.  Instead of bemoaning that the Dutch lost, I celebrated that I noticed Ibrahim Afellay for the first time, in spite of the fact he played on the Dutch team during the 2010 World Cup and the 2008 Euro Cup.

I probably hadn't noticed this rockin' Moroccan (heritage) because I have never ordered veal in a restaurant or in my boudoir, and Ibrahim is yooouunnggg. And though I am certainly no priest, this kid looks damn good.  He's like chocolate, candy, ice cream, puffy clouds, kittens, condoms, and vodka all rolled up in a fantasy.  A footballin', younger, tad bit browner, a little more Muslim-er,  Colin Farrell.  Seriously.  You can totally see it, right? I want to read him adult bedtime stories and spike his hot chocolate with Ecstasy.  Okay, maybe I am a priest.  Or Madonna. Or Sharon Stone.

Ibrahim, "Ibi" as he's called, was born April 2, 1986, in Utrecht, Netherlands.  He was named Best Young Player in The Netherlands in 2007, and has been playing for FC Barcelona since his debut on January 5, 2011. Unfortunately, in September 2011, Afellay suffered an anterior cruciate ligament injury during training and was out for more than 7 months.

Guess that gave him some time get even closer to his girlfriend, Dorien Rose.  Rose is a Dutch model, singer, and actress who is very popular in the Netherlands.  She has been described as a "mix of Olivia Wilde and at-her-peak Angelina Jolie" (ouch!)  Go ahead, Ibrahim, with your sexy little self.