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Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Hot with a Chance of Sexy: I'm Too Sexy for the Saud?
Surely you’ve heard the story by now of three men who were
supposedly kicked out of Saudi Arabia earlier this month by their Commission
for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vices for being too good looking.
Evidently the Commission thought women would rip off their hijabs, lift up
their niqabs, shimmy out of their abayas, and throw their panties at these
dudes (before being stoned to death), which is weird to me because I thought unrelated
men and women were strictly segregated in public places (such as a festival). The interweb has
been alight with photos of Omar Borkan Al Gala and the speculation that this
actor, poet, and photographer is one of the three men. Now, I will give him props because he is a
good looking dude, but get kicked out of a country good looking? Hmmm.
If he was one of the three Emirati “delegates” whose fine
ass was in town for the Jenadrivah Heritage and Cultural Festival, then they
might have been asked to leave because the UAE allowed one of their sexy female
artists to drive attend the festival. This whole Borkan-fever erupted when he posted
a link to the deportation story on his Facebook /UAE promotion page, but he
never said that he was one of the three, and as of this time, he hasn’t
responded to any messages left by Western news agencies. If you got kicked out of a country for being
too good looking, you would tell EVERYONE, repeatedly, in a variety of
languages. Shit, if I got kicked out of
a 24-hour Wal-Mart in Hueytown, Alabama at 3:00AM on a Sunday morning for being
too good looking in a sea of stereotypical, inappropriately dressed Wal-Mart crackheads, I would try to
get that story to CNN at 3:01 and it would immediately go viral in my mind and with
my 11 twitter followers.
Any road, back to Omar.
I admit that I was initially fascinated by this story, and yes, I went
to his Facebook page and looked at his photos more than once. Is it just me, or
does anyone else think that there is a GlamourShots in the UAE and Omar is good
friends with the manager/part-time makeup artist? After looking through his
page, I have to say that if the Saudi source hadn’t said that they kicked them
out for being too sexy for the sand, I wouldn’t put it past Omar to assume that’s why he was told to kick
cans. He seems douchebaggy enough. I can
imagine his outrage as he tries to hold
his tears, a bag full of Kryolan makeup, and his borrowed micro airbrush
compressor that he uses to spray on his perfectly coiffed beard as he screams
at the immigration officers, “What?! Is it because I am too handsome? Is that
why I have to leave?!”
And while I have serious doubts that he was kicked out for
being too cute for his own good, I can see him being kicked out for (a.) bogarting
all the eyeliner in Riyadh (b.) auditory assault on hearing ears with his bad
poetry “beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes…the place where love
resides.” Seriously? Whatever, Rumi. (c.) They probably thought
that he stole the purse that fell out of his mouth when he opened it to
talk. He is a pretty cat, but he is
trying waaayyyy too hard to be butch in his pictures.
Regardless of the whether the handsome story turns out to be
true or not (it won’t), I hope that Omar milks the shit out of his fifteen
minutes. He seems like a true hustler-
look what he did with some GlamourShots, Photoshop, and a link to a news story. I have to respect his game and his ingenuity. Forget Gangnam style, that bitch is workin’
it Dubai style- flashy and over the top.
And I want to see more.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Angel Pagan
With baseball season finally upon us again-praise be to the
gods- I thought that I would commemorate the occasion by celebrating Angel
Pagan. I don’t usually board the “sports-figure-
as- a- hero" train because ultimately these are just men, which means they are
only human. And even though his very
name is a wonderful paradox of the sacred and mundane, at the end of the game, Angel
Pagan is human too. Being human and given
enough time, he will do something to disappoint/anger me and I will be reminded
AGAIN why idol worship is never good.
But for now, Pagan’s got this broad seriously thinking of buyin’ a ticket to
ride. His passion, drive, and sense of
community are simply inspiring. He’s
every delicious lick it takes to get the center of a Tootsie Pop. He is the sugar on top of everything. Angel Pagan is bacon.
Let me start from the beginning. Born in Rios Piedras, Puerto Rico on July 2,
1981, Angel Manuel Pagan, (a Cancer/Rooster for the astrology enthusiasts) began
playing baseball at six-years-old. His
mother encouraged her rowdy “energetic” boy to focus his attention on something
positive to get him away from the negative options readily available in his
neighborhood. Although he also
gravitated toward basketball and boxing- can he get sexier?- he says of
baseball, “I fell in love with the sport.”
When he was 17, Pagan was training with MLB players Juan Gonzalez and
Carlos “Umm” Beltran in Puerto Rico who were in awe of his energy, and
“Caballo Loco” came neighing out of Gonzalez’s mouth. It stuck.
Preparing to come up with the Mets, the Cubbies purchased Pagan’s contract
from them in January of 2006, and he made his MLB debut on April 3, 2006. Pagan
was quickly injured and out for two and a half months. He returned
on his 25th birthday and proceeded to hit his 1st and 2nd
career home runs. He is the first person
in MLB history to it 2 career home runs on his birfday. In 2008, Pagan returned to the Mets, and then
in December of 2011, thank you Jesus, Buddha, Allah- whoever helped me- this Angel with the devil in his eyes was traded to the SF Giants for Andres Torres and Ramon Ramirez.
One of the things that I adore about Pagan is that even
though he has moved teams and positions a lot because of numerous injuries,
m’man has never quit. He has never given
up. And as a result of his whole seeming
“pain is weakness leaving your body”, win or else “you didn’t get the job done”
attitude, not only has he acquired a staunch legion of fans (including this
bitch obviously), he helped the Giants win the World Series last year, and he
helped his national Puerto Rican team get to the finals against Dominican
Republic in the World Baseball Classic earlier this year, which no one outside
of Puerto Rico expected I’m sure.
When he bursts onto the field each game, you can feel not
only his love the said game, but his steely intensity only makes a woman- or a
man who appreciates that in that in another man- think of one other thing. Ahh, yeah, bacon makes you want more
bacon. I digress. Caballo Loco’s still got it and brings it 110
to the field every time. He once said
that he wants to leave his heart on the field every time, and to watch him
wearily trot off after a game, he appears to do that. I know his ass is a rich baller, but doing what he loves and loving what he does, makes him an incredibly wealthy person to me.
And how much better does it get when you hear that Angel
leads off-season workouts at a public track facility in Dorado, Puerto Rico for
young boxers, basketball players, track stars, and kinds who want to follow the
fabulous Mr. Pagan’s road to the majors.
There were 36+ athletes at the time the article I read was written, some
as young as 5 years old who come to train.
This cat could be living large and relaxed with his new 4-year- $40
Million dollar contract, but he’s out there with his wife, Windy, and
daughters, Brianna and Suil Angelina- so they know where their food comes from
and the hard work it takes to get it on the table. Angel, how do I love thee? Let a bitch have a minute to count the ways.
Damn.
This Angel is settin’ heaven on fire with his intense
baseball prowess. For the second time in his career Pagan played more than 123
games with the Giants last year. He hit
.288 with eight home runs and established a Giants’ record with 15 triples. So next time you’re at the ballpark in SF and
you can’t quite figure out that heavenly scent wafting up, know that it’s
Angel. And remember that Angel is bacon.
Monday, April 1, 2013
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