Hot with a Chance of Sexy: I'm Too Sexy for the Saud?

Surely you’ve heard the story by now of three men who were supposedly kicked out of Saudi Arabia earlier this month by their Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vices for being too good looking. Evidently the Commission thought women would rip off their hijabs, lift up their niqabs, shimmy out of their abayas, and throw their panties at these dudes (before being stoned to death), which is weird to me because I thought unrelated men and women were strictly segregated in public  places (such as a festival). The interweb has been alight with photos of Omar Borkan Al Gala and the speculation that this actor, poet, and photographer is one of the three men.  Now, I will give him props because he is a good looking dude, but get kicked out of a country good looking? Hmmm.

If he was one of the three Emirati “delegates” whose fine ass was in town for the Jenadrivah Heritage and Cultural Festival, then they might have been asked to leave because the UAE allowed one of their sexy female artists to drive attend the festival.  This whole Borkan-fever erupted when he posted a link to the deportation story on his Facebook /UAE promotion page, but he never said that he was one of the three, and as of this time, he hasn’t responded to any messages left by Western news agencies.  If you got kicked out of a country for being too good looking, you would tell EVERYONE, repeatedly, in a variety of languages.  Shit, if I got kicked out of a 24-hour Wal-Mart in Hueytown, Alabama at 3:00AM on a Sunday morning for being too good looking in a sea of stereotypical, inappropriately dressed Wal-Mart crackheads, I would try to get that story to CNN at 3:01 and it would immediately go viral in my mind and with my 11 twitter followers.

Any road, back to Omar.  I admit that I was initially fascinated by this story, and yes, I went to his Facebook page and looked at his photos more than once. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that there is a GlamourShots in the UAE and Omar is good friends with the manager/part-time makeup artist? After looking through his page, I have to say that if the Saudi source hadn’t said that they kicked them out for being too sexy for the sand, I wouldn’t put it past Omar to assume that’s why he was told to kick cans.  He seems douchebaggy enough. I can  imagine his outrage as he tries to hold his tears, a bag full of Kryolan makeup, and his borrowed micro airbrush compressor that he uses to spray on his perfectly coiffed beard as he screams at the immigration officers, “What?! Is it because I am too handsome? Is that why I have to leave?!”

And while I have serious doubts that he was kicked out for being too cute for his own good, I can see him being kicked out for (a.) bogarting all the eyeliner in Riyadh (b.) auditory assault on hearing ears with his bad poetry “beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes…the place where love resides.”  Seriously?  Whatever, Rumi. (c.) They probably thought that he stole the purse that fell out of his mouth when he opened it to talk.  He is a pretty cat, but he is trying waaayyyy too hard to be butch in his pictures.

Regardless of the whether the handsome story turns out to be true or not (it won’t), I hope that Omar milks the shit out of his fifteen minutes.  He seems like a true hustler- look what he did with some GlamourShots, Photoshop, and a link to a news story. I have to respect his game and his ingenuity.  Forget Gangnam style, that bitch is workin’ it Dubai style- flashy and over the top.  And I want to see more.

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Henry Cavill

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane... oh, wait. It is a bird. And right above this text is Henry Cavill, the star of 2013's Man of Steel. This tasty lookin' Taurus Water Pig- which sounds like someone's description of his sexual proclivities on Grindr & not an Western/Eastern astrology sign - was born May 5, 1983 in Jersey (old Jersey, part of the Channel Islands- not New Jersey part of the Douchebag Islands). Henry was born the 4th of five boys, and has said that if hadn't become an actor, he would've joined the army or become an Egyptologist. He could definitely do me more before 9AM than the rest of y'all could all day and that's all I know. Anywho, I digress.

Henry's first role was in the Count of Monte Cristo (2002), after which he continued on with some television works that I had never heard of and some supporting work in movies throughout the early 2000s. I am being blase about these roles and parts because, as you can see from these pictures, this cat is rather like a chameleon and if you weren't looking for his ass in any of the nonchalantly aforementioned, you probably would've missed him. Henry's big break- or rather, the point that bitches all over America hit pause on their DVRs & asked all at once, "Who IS that?"- came in 2007 with Showtime's The Tudors. Cavill made everyone's special area glisten for three years as we watched him play the part of Charles Brandon, 1st Duke of Suffolk.

Once called the "Unluckiest Man in Hollywood", Cavill was up for the role of Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)- the role went to Robert Pattinson. Then, Stephanie Meyer, author of the Twilight series called Cavill her "perfect Edward" and fought like the undead to get him cast as Edward Cullen. We all know who got that part as well. Also in 2005, Henry was one of the final contenders for Casino Royale, but the producers wanted an older James Bond and went with Daniel Craig. Can't a chap get a break, damn?!

Luckily, Henry persevered, read inspirational poems like "Don't You Quit", and starting living "The Secret". I kid. I have no idea what his motivation was to stick with acting, but it seems to be paying off. He plays the lead role of Theseus in the upcoming Immortals movie, as well as starring alongside Bruce Willis next year in some mess called In the Cold Light of Day (and I only call it a mess because when you see the name Bruce Willis on the billing these days, your mind automatically envisions the Little Man movie critic vacating his chair right before you would). Continuing alongside his professional largess, Cavill got engaged to his girl, Ellen Whitaker, 2 days before his birfday earlier this year. Bully for the couple, but if it doesn't work out, he can always chill in my Fortress of Solitude.