Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Chris Tamburello

All this time I have been yammering on about how much I love my reality shows, and it dawned on me recently that I have never done a single Hot Forecast on any reality show contestants. What?! How is that possible? Oh, yeah- there aren't a lot of hot dudes on the reality shows that I tend to watch. OK- that's not entirely true. Sometimes when you've eaten a loaded lemon bar and consumed a bottle of wine, you look at your television through the appropriately hooded eyes and think, "Damn! He's hot." But then you sober up and realize he ain't all that. Or, if he is really hot, you learn more about his dickish television personality, and that minute you wanted to jump his cock quickly passes.

I have realized in time, however, in the world of my reality shows, that a person can come back to television enough times that you develop a "through the television" (TTT) relationship. It's like in relationships in real life- sometimes you love him to death, and other times you want to kick his cock off- except you only know the bits of him that didn't wind up on the editing room floor, and he doesn't know you exist at all.

All that being said, let me introduce you to my TTT manchild- CT- Chris Tamburello. We first met CT on the Real World: Paris, and while I initially thought he was cute- just a big ole dude on a stick- I could also tell there was something a little off with this kid. He revealed himself to be funny, yet shady at times- and that was fine. But then, toward the end of the season, when this Cancer Monkey (7-16-80) got all chimpanzee mean and totally aggressed his friend Adam (a much smaller dude than him) the alert was sounded. It was basically a test- but I knew that "code- red-not- a- drill" was coming.

MTV had already begun the Challenges, and given CT's physique & physical prowess, that one of his personalities was really funny, and that he had an amazing face, I knew I would see him again. And I'm sure that he participated in Challenges, but the first one in which he really stood out for me was The Duel. Watching him fall for cancer survivor Diem Brown was the highlight of the season for me, and I loved him for being so gentle and patient with her. And, yes, I would agree it was a groovy kind of love.

But in the following Challenge, Inferno 3, his brain started bleeding Jose Cuervo or something, because he lost his effin' mind on the first night and for reasons I don't think I fully understood at the time or remember all these years later, attacked Davis from RW: Denver and dotted his eye with some knuckles. Huh?! Where is gentle-loving-Diem- CT? Who is this kid attacking (once again) a dude so much smaller than him? And why would you fly 30-something-hours to South Africa to get drunk, attack, and get plunked right back down on a return trip? I know there are bars closer to his house in which he could've performed this tomfoolery.

Then came The Duel 2 in Brazil where CT busted out his PhD in Psycho and proved that there wasn't a bitch in the cast who could come close to that level of deranged. Ever. He looked sanity in the eye, slapped it away, and said, "Bitch, I ain't the one." In a nutshell, this nut and Diem had broken up, but when he zoo/prison-banged Shauvon from RW: Sidney outside in the yard, Diem clocked him on it- and he again came after Adam because he thought Adam dogged him out by telling Diem. How CT avoided prosecution for an attack so violent it almost looked like an episode of When Animals Attack is beyond me, but when MTV sent him packing that same first night, I thought that the last time I was ever gonna see my TTT manchild again- and I was okay with that. When we found out later than his brother had been murdered before the Challenge started, it made his rage more understandable, but certainly not excusable.

Well, obviously it was excusable to MTV, because they gave CT an audience test-drive for a single Challenge: Cutthroat Gulag competition in 2010. I guess his reviews must've been good because they brought him back to the Challenge: Rivals the next season where he was paired with (you guessed it) Adam. Though they didn't win, I loved CT again because he was totally supporting Adam (in front of the cameras anyway) and literally tried to carry him over the finish line in their last competition.

His crazy beautifully competitive ass is back for this season's Challenge: Battle of the Exes with Diem. We'll see which CT crosses the finish line this time. Oh, and just a little incentive for CT to quit threatening to smash a bitch's head "and eat it!" in the Challenges: He and Kenny S. "Mr. Beautiful" (self-proclaimed) have both competed in 8 challenges. Kenny has banked $273,997. CT? $21,000.

Stop beatin' asses, CT, and start kickin' some.

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Jason Momoa (Original Posting)

If you're like me and never watched Baywatch Hawaii (I know, I know- how on earth did we miss that?) or Stargate Atlantis- let me introduce you to Jason Momoa. Physically, he's just a dude on a stick, right? He's also been cast as the lead in the new Conan the Barbarian movie scheduled for release in 2011, and he's the father of Lisa Bonet's youngest daughter and son, as well as still being her hot piece. (The word on the street is that Jason was set to marry an Aussie actress he'd been dating for seven years, Simmone Jade MacKinnon, when Lisa's uterus trumped her ass and Baby Lola moved in for 9 months.)

Jason was born in Honolulu, HI on August 1, 1979, but raised in Iowa. (And yes, he's going to be 31 this year. I am scared of Ms. Cougar Bonet, okay? She must've pushed him off of his Big Wheel straight into her bed.) His father was a Native Hawaiian and it sounds like his mother was everything else.

In 1998 Jason returned to Hawaii and was discovered by the designer Takeo- thus beginning his modeling career. He must've been the hardest workin' ho on the islands because in 1999 he won Hawaii's Model of the Year, and hasn't looked back since career-wise.

Speaking of actin' a ho, in November of 2008 Jason was at a bar in West Hollywood (when he probably should've been home with his then eight-months-pregnant partner), and got into an argument with some dude. The dude evidently tried to make the work of art that is Jason's face into a Piccaso and Jason had to have 140 stitches and some plastic surgery to bring all that pretty back. The culprit, said to be named Dominic Bando, reportedly was facing up to 7 years for the altercation. He should've gotten that automatically for trying to jack up something so gorgeous, and then time on top of it for the malice behind the act.


I'm sure that as we get closer to the new Conan being released there will be pictures and info galore about Mr. Momoa. For now, enjoy these few.





You're welcome.