Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Cristiano Ronaldo

Greasy. Sleazy. Easy. And arguably one of the best footballers and most hated dudes to ever kick a ball for money, just in time for the World Cup, meet (if you don't already know) Cristano Ronaldo (Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro). Even though he seems to love baking in the sun until he's the color of an eggplant, and appears to use so many body and hair care products that he looks like he'd slide right out of a hooker's arms, Cristiano is hot. Sorry.

Born February 5, 1985 in Funchal, Madeira, Portugal- this 6"1 forward for Spanish club Real Madrid is also the captain of the Portuguese national team. Oh, and his hot 25-year-old ass is also the (believed to be) highest-paid football player in the world. Perhaps that's why there's a hateronaldo.com website, I Hate Cristiano Ronaldo facebook page, and countless blogs doggin' him out: Chicks wanna do him and dudes (though they would never admit it) want to be him.

Even though he could probably get with any woman in the world he wanted, much like wealthy men who have come before him and those will surely come after him, Cristiano has a predilection for the ladies who turn illusions for money. And much like those aforementioned men, his "does your vagina take debit cards" peen has gotten him in some shit. In 2007, when he was still playing for Manchester United, he and some of his teammates decided it would be a good idea to have a sexy party with some "sexually indiscriminate, used for yard work" kind of girls ("What is a ho, Alex?"). They paid for the girls to come over, but not much evidently because they ended up with some bitter, busted lookin', chatty hos who were happy to sell their story to the tabloids after Crissy and his teammates treated them with "such little respect" (I don't know ho etiquette, but I am assuming that means they didn't get paid well). The puritanical American family who had recently bought the team was pissed, and so in an effort to do some damage control and make the ladies who love him forget he's a dirty leg, this picture somehow found its way onto the internet a few days later (minus the "yum"):

Since that time, his autobiography called "Moments" has been published, he opened a clothing store with his sister called CR7, and Emporio Armani says that he will replace David Beckham as the spokesmodel for men's underwear and jeans. He's still making dirty with the ladies, most recently & famously (reputedly): Kim Kardashian. And he's still pretty to look at.

You're welcome.