Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Sofia Vergara

Today's Forecast is breaking new grounds: For the 1st time, our featured hot is a woman. I have been thinking about including a female for a while, just to be fair and give some well deserving she-honey her props, but I couldn't think of who I should pick for this milestone. Then I saw a picture of Sophia Vergara in a bikini. Her. Done.

I know that most people reading this could give a fcuk about words and just want to get to the photos, and I get it. However, you should know few things about this beautiful woman in case you're ever on Jeopardy or someone holds a gun to your head: She's 39, was born in Columbia, has a 19-year-old son (talk about a MILF!), almost graduated from dental school, was discovered walking on a beach in Columbia, she's 5"7, she's a cancer survivor, an entrepreneur, and in 2008 Vergara was 62 on Maxim magazine's "Hot 100" list. There, that wasn't too painful was it? Now you can see the pics of the all the lovely that is Ms. Sofia Vergara.

Air Guitar Goes NC-17

If you haven’t heard about it, don’t feel bad, I thought it was a joke my first time. And speaking of first times, what I am talking about is Air Sex & I guess it’s time we all lost our air virginity. Yes, chirrun, Air Guitar’s creepy, unemployed uncle who lives in the basement and promises to buy you beer if you bring your high school female friends over to party has stepped up the game.

What the crap is it? Glad you asked. Invented in Japan (shocking) in 2006 by a group of bored men without girlfriends (even more shocking), Air Sex is a competitive performance activity where clothed men and women simulate various sexual activities in front of an audience and judges. The phenom grew quickly in Japan after being reported in Japanese magazine, Weekly Playboy. It was introduced to the West when it was picked up by an English language website, but it wasn’t until after a BBC documentary and a couple of YouTube videos later that it officially became a thang in America.

In 2007, The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas began holding bi-monthly Air Sex competitions. In 2009, they toured the country with comedian Chris Trew, who acted as the host. After picking winners in each of the 14 cities they visited, they invited the sex simulators back to Austin for the Air Sex Championship.

According to the airsexworld.com website, there are only a few rules for the competitors:
1. Consextants (my word) have about 2 minutes to perform their routine.
2. Consexulators (my word as well) must perform to music.
3. Don’t come for real (dat's da rules).

Seriously, that’s the 3rd rule. Since some of the Air Sex venues serve food, all orgasms have to be simulated (“…but, I didn’t ask for Ranch on the side…” Sorry, I’ll stop. I just grossed myself out). And, no, you cannot be naked since the venues also tend to serve booze. They didn’t mention who determines or examines for evidence, but I presume and hope it’s not the waiters in said venues.

Trew also says on their website about what to expect if you’ve never been to an Air Sex show before:

“Here’s what you need to know: it’s a lot like Air Guitar, but instead of rocking out with an imaginary guitar, you’re making sweet and/or filthy love with an imaginary sex partner. You choose a clip of music, you show up in whatever sort of wardrobe you like, and you come up on stage and show everyone how you do it. Or how you wish you could do it. Or how you once had it done to you, and oh my god was that a bad idea and while it’s embarrassing to show that act to a room of strangers, you know that you need to do it now in order to make sure that no one else falls down the same rabbit hole you got stuck inside. Or, you know, just do it however you want.”

So, boys and girls, they are still doing Air Sex competitions. In fact, I failed to mention that the 2009 Grand Champion was Shanghai Slammer from LA ;


& the 2010 Champ was Deep Southern Fried Sex (can it get any sexier?).


The 2011 Championship will be held in Austin on December 3rd @ Highball. If you’re in the area and want to see images like these come to life... (You know they are hella funny & your ass will either love it, have a great story to tell, or both!)

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Henry Cavill

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane... oh, wait. It is a bird. And right above this text is Henry Cavill, the star of 2013's Man of Steel. This tasty lookin' Taurus Water Pig- which sounds like someone's description of his sexual proclivities on Grindr & not an Western/Eastern astrology sign - was born May 5, 1983 in Jersey (old Jersey, part of the Channel Islands- not New Jersey part of the Douchebag Islands). Henry was born the 4th of five boys, and has said that if hadn't become an actor, he would've joined the army or become an Egyptologist. He could definitely do me more before 9AM than the rest of y'all could all day and that's all I know. Anywho, I digress.

Henry's first role was in the Count of Monte Cristo (2002), after which he continued on with some television works that I had never heard of and some supporting work in movies throughout the early 2000s. I am being blase about these roles and parts because, as you can see from these pictures, this cat is rather like a chameleon and if you weren't looking for his ass in any of the nonchalantly aforementioned, you probably would've missed him. Henry's big break- or rather, the point that bitches all over America hit pause on their DVRs & asked all at once, "Who IS that?"- came in 2007 with Showtime's The Tudors. Cavill made everyone's special area glisten for three years as we watched him play the part of Charles Brandon, 1st Duke of Suffolk.

Once called the "Unluckiest Man in Hollywood", Cavill was up for the role of Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)- the role went to Robert Pattinson. Then, Stephanie Meyer, author of the Twilight series called Cavill her "perfect Edward" and fought like the undead to get him cast as Edward Cullen. We all know who got that part as well. Also in 2005, Henry was one of the final contenders for Casino Royale, but the producers wanted an older James Bond and went with Daniel Craig. Can't a chap get a break, damn?!

Luckily, Henry persevered, read inspirational poems like "Don't You Quit", and starting living "The Secret". I kid. I have no idea what his motivation was to stick with acting, but it seems to be paying off. He plays the lead role of Theseus in the upcoming Immortals movie, as well as starring alongside Bruce Willis next year in some mess called In the Cold Light of Day (and I only call it a mess because when you see the name Bruce Willis on the billing these days, your mind automatically envisions the Little Man movie critic vacating his chair right before you would). Continuing alongside his professional largess, Cavill got engaged to his girl, Ellen Whitaker, 2 days before his birfday earlier this year. Bully for the couple, but if it doesn't work out, he can always chill in my Fortress of Solitude.

Russian (Raggedy Anya) Dolls: What I Learned from Trashy Television

Lifetime is still playing broke ass cousin to Bravo and MTV's reality shows, and in case you need proof, check out Russian Dolls, the Плохо, poor man’s version of Jersey Shore. Don’t get it twisted- I got just as sucked in. Something about those marginally attractive, completely arrogant, unbelievable materialistic “friends” just got me all stupid, silly drunk on them and I couldn’t stop watching once I tuned in.

It truly was JS without so many obviously drunken antics, but they got down with hella doses of straight up crazy: Women going on 2 dates and calling dudes their “boyfriends” and wanting them to meet their parents, chicks dating dudes who get tattoos that read, “I won’t kill you, but I will watch you die”, and bitches who scream and lose their minds at beauty parlors when their cheap ass weaves, that Mattel wouldn’t put on a Barbie Loves Beauty Styling Head, don’t fluff and style the way they want. It’s a crazy deeper than Lake Baikal, truer than the cold of Siberia, and more addictive than vodka. These nuts work that Russian stereotype down to their furs and their rampant gossip. Loves it!

But my favorite part was the confessional, when they talked to one of the cast members, Eddie, and his best friend (read: They met at the auditions and got along), Albert. These fools obviously have a good, humorous rapport and Lifetime worked that. At one point, though, through all their eighth- grade observations and ridiculously chauvinistic, bullshit musings, these douche buckets actually say something that bears repeating- which goes to show everyone has value to someone at some point.

I can’t remember what they were talking about, and I refuse to use energy that could be applied to something productive that could truly enhance my life trying to remember what it was, but one of them makes this obvious and simple, yet amazingly profound (to me) statement:

“Russian women demand to be treated well. So, you treat them well.”

Now I know that all of our camp counselors and church advisers have told us girls that we should demand queen treatment since we were knee high to a grass hopper, but I think it’s worth revisiting again. In our culture, although we don’t admit it, we tend to bend to accommodate males. No one wants to be the bitch, or the asshole, and we end up settling for people and things that we absolutely know we shouldn’t. A Russian woman will tell you to “eat her fcuk” faster than you can say “Bolshevik”, flip her fur, add more lip gloss, and keep walking. No apologies, no explanations. I’m not saying that we have to be that hard- but we need to stand our ground better.

Why is there a stripper pole in my house? Why am I biting my tongue when you say something erroneous and silly when I know it’s wrong? Why I am I lowering myself to you when you should be raising yourself up to me? See, Russian bitches know this and even though I have always loved them, I never realized why. Until now. These women, who are so sistah on the inside, douse themselves in parfum "Ain't the One" and call it a day. And I love, love, love them for it.

I think that the Russian Dolls show has already died and been buried in a trashy television unmarked grave (I could be wrong), but if you get the chance to check it, do yourself the pleasure. It’s like tea, vodka, caviar, fur, and disco blue eye shadow all rolled up into one lovely babushka of a wonderfully bad, entertaining show.

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Mehcad Brooks

If you're a True Blood devotee, you know him as Eggs. If you watch Desperate Housewives, Necessary Roughness, or caught ABC's My Generation before you blinked & if went off the air, you may know him from these or other shows. If you've never the pleasure of seeing him before, please allow me to introduce the cool drank of water known as Mehcad Brooks.

This gorgeous Scorpio, the son of former NFL Wide Receiver Billy Brooks, was born in Austin, TX October 25, 1980. ("Why are Texas Scorpios always so sexy?" I ask myself every time I look in the mirror. I kid.) After graduating from LC Anderson High School & turning down basketball scholarships and offers from Ivy League schools, Brooks attended the University of Southern California's School of Cinema-Television. After leaving USC to pursue an acting career, Brooks' early work included being a Calvin Klein underwear model. (Yes!)

Mehcad is not married, but he has been dating Breakout Kings actress Serinda Swan for years. Blogossips have hinted that there is something going on with Brooks and Elisabetta Canalis, George Clooney's old piece, after they were spotted having dinner in LA recently. Let's hope that Brooks isn't putting the "cad" in Mehcad.


Here he is not letting anything come between him and his Calvins.



You're welcome!

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Heritier O'Brien

G'day Mates! Today we're going to take a trip down under to explore the wilds of beauty known as Heritier O'Brien. I am not even going to front and pretend I that I can begin to pronounce his first name, so from here on out, we'll call him "Harry" as the Aussies do.

This almost 6"2, 208lb medium defender has played Australian League Football for the Collingwood Magpies since 2004. Born in Rio de Janeiro to a Brazilian mother and a Congolese father on November 15, 1986, O'Brien has the distinction of being the first Brazilian-born player in the AFL.

Now most of you, like me, are thinking, "How in the name of Jor-EL does a Brazilian-Congolese have an Irish surname?" (here I go again with the Irish...) When he was three-years-old, Harry and family moved to Western Australia where he was raised with his Irish-Australian stepfather, Ralph O'Brien. Ralph accepted him and treated Harry like his real son so much so, Harry didn't know until he was 19 that Ralph wasn't his birth father. Sadly, in 2009, Ralph took his own life. An avid internet user, Harry has amazed fans and foes alike with his honesty and candor about this intensely painful and personal tragedy.

Harry is also known for social consciousness, actively advocating for various causes throughout Australia and Africa. His worldview and willingness to speak of that as well is nothing short of inspiring (to me anyway). Meditation, music, ice-filled baths, and a thinking chair a la Einstein are just some of unexpected passions of this footballer. He's like a younger, Aussie David James (see June 2010 Hot with a Chance of Sexy)- and that is a total compliment.

Harry most recently (or rather, most famously) dated Faustina "Fuzzy" Agolley- a familiar face on Aussie television as host of various shows including "Video Hits" which was cancelled early in 2011. The two have since split and if I weren't old enough to be his mother's hot single friend, I would be down in Australia looking for his ass in the daytime with a flashlight.

Cheers!