If you haven’t heard about it, don’t feel bad, I thought it was a joke my first time. And speaking of first times, what I am talking about is Air Sex & I guess it’s time we all lost our air virginity. Yes, chirrun, Air Guitar’s creepy, unemployed uncle who lives in the basement and promises to buy you beer if you bring your high school female friends over to party has stepped up the game.
What the crap is it? Glad you asked. Invented in Japan (shocking) in 2006 by a group of bored men without girlfriends (even more shocking), Air Sex is a competitive performance activity where clothed men and women simulate various sexual activities in front of an audience and judges. The phenom grew quickly in Japan after being reported in Japanese magazine, Weekly Playboy. It was introduced to the West when it was picked up by an English language website, but it wasn’t until after a BBC documentary and a couple of YouTube videos later that it officially became a thang in America.
In 2007, The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas began holding bi-monthly Air Sex competitions. In 2009, they toured the country with comedian Chris Trew, who acted as the host. After picking winners in each of the 14 cities they visited, they invited the sex simulators back to Austin for the Air Sex Championship.
According to the airsexworld.com website, there are only a few rules for the competitors:
1. Consextants (my word) have about 2 minutes to perform their routine.
2. Consexulators (my word as well) must perform to music.
3. Don’t come for real (dat's da rules).
Seriously, that’s the 3rd rule. Since some of the Air Sex venues serve food, all orgasms have to be simulated (“…but, I didn’t ask for Ranch on the side…” Sorry, I’ll stop. I just grossed myself out). And, no, you cannot be naked since the venues also tend to serve booze. They didn’t mention who determines or examines for evidence, but I presume and hope it’s not the waiters in said venues.
Trew also says on their website about what to expect if you’ve never been to an Air Sex show before:
“Here’s what you need to know: it’s a lot like Air Guitar, but instead of rocking out with an imaginary guitar, you’re making sweet and/or filthy love with an imaginary sex partner. You choose a clip of music, you show up in whatever sort of wardrobe you like, and you come up on stage and show everyone how you do it. Or how you wish you could do it. Or how you once had it done to you, and oh my god was that a bad idea and while it’s embarrassing to show that act to a room of strangers, you know that you need to do it now in order to make sure that no one else falls down the same rabbit hole you got stuck inside. Or, you know, just do it however you want.”
So, boys and girls, they are still doing Air Sex competitions. In fact, I failed to mention that the 2009 Grand Champion was Shanghai Slammer from LA ;
& the 2010 Champ was Deep Southern Fried Sex (can it get any sexier?).
The 2011 Championship will be held in Austin on December 3rd @ Highball. If you’re in the area and want to see images like these come to life... (You know they are hella funny & your ass will either love it, have a great story to tell, or both!)
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