I know that I am not supposed to delight in men beating
the crap out of each other. Especially
in front of a child- even if she was rushed away before the actual fisticuffs, she
had to get a sense of the mood and that is not cute. But when I heard that Olivier Martinez
bam-bammed on Gabriel Aubry's face in Halle Berry’s driveway- something very
primal came out of me. I immediately had
visions of ancient warriors, gladiators, invaders, and destroyers. And I liked it. I know it's the 21st century, and we should
all know better than to let our fists be our words, but sometimes we forget
that we are just basically animals that have shoes on and opposable thumbs.
Something about the idea of these two beautiful men beating
on each other- while screaming and arguing in French no less- was so brutally
masculine and unapologetically, well, violent, that it made me feel very feminine because
somewhere in the twisted, vodka soaked noodles I call a brain, there lurked a desire
for two beautiful men to be fighting over me.
And what woman in her reptilian base brain, wouldn't be turned on by
that? Especially if the dude you were engaged to beat down the man who you not only kicked to the curb, but who seemed to
start the whole mess. I'm sure when
Halle finally calmed down, and Olivier came back from ER with only a swollen hand
and scratch marks on his neck, she probably let fly with a primordial scream
that reverberated through eons of dick-hungry women, ripped his clothes clean
off his body and dirty-verbed him all night long. I sure would have.
And it's frightening, but somewhat refreshing to know
that the man-cave-fight-club thing can still bring out a lusty, however brief, desire in us women when given two hot-ass opponents. Again, I am not a proponent of this type of violence, but for just a moment, I had to be honest with myself and admit that the idea of the clash these present day Titans was super sexy. I will also say, though, that I believe the whole thing could’ve
been made better, a whole lot sexier, and far less bloody if they had just settled it the way all
good looking men should handle disputes:
Turkish Oil Wrestling (click here to read more about Turkish Oil Wrestling and see photos).
Gabriel is obviously not the brightest person in the
world. Hell, he might not be the
brightest person in a room full of 3-year-olds:
You're a model and you make a good chunk of your living from your
face. Why would you risk that by going
after a former boxer?! And if this is you showing the world that you don't have rage issues, then you were obviously Valedictorian at the Lohan School of Issue Denial. Finally, for your viewing pleasure (displeasure?): Here’s a picture
TMZ.com posted of Gabriel’s now broken mug. Frenchman 1, French Canadian 0.
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