Oh, snap! The laxatives have hit the catwalk, chirrun, and that's all I know. In case you have a life and haven't been paying attention to internet twaddle about people whose lives have no bearing whatsoever on yours, let me hip you to the how it goes: Luo Zilin, an aspiring model and former Miss Universe China who was also mentored by Naomi Campbell on "The Face" was just snapped in Ibiza all hugged up on Naomi's ex-lover, Vlad Doronin. Luo, who is also known as Zi Lin, and will probably be known in the modeling world from here on out as "The Supermodel Who Almost Was" better kick off her Louboutins and run for her damn life, because Naomi is coming for her.I don't know what Luo Zi (Cray-Zi) could have possibly been thinking: Naomi and Vlad have only been apart for a minute, and the hooka met Vlad through Naomi. Miss N doesn't even like to give away phones that she can't throw at people anymore- did Luo really think Naomi wouldn't mind her humping on her ex when she can still smell his money and sweat on her pillows? Bitch, really? I have said it before and I will say it now, Naomi ain't the one. I have three-year-old twin nieces who have no idea who Naomi Campbell is and they know this, I don't understand how Vlad and Cray-Zi don't.
Y'all KNOW that Naomi was (rightly) pissed- she gives this bitch a chance for an amazing career and all the perks and she says 'thank you' by bangin' on her piece? Well, if you didn't know how mad La Sopa is, you will now because Luo has been dropped by her modeling agency- MIX Model Management- for acting a ho (they worded it nicer, of course). I hope Vlad's penis is as impressive and memorable as his portfolio, because dick memories are all that chick is gonna walk away from this with besides a wrecked modeling career. Maybe if she's lucky some kid serum leaked out of his test tube into her incubator and she won't have to worry about working for the next 18 years. While that could happen, of course, I would like to think that Vlad learned something from his mentor Leo DiCaprio about drinking heartily and often from the offering bowl of uber-hot models without spilling anything. We'll see in a few months.
Speaking of Leo, Vlad better get his steering aligned and stay clear of bush league maneuvers like this one in the future because I'm sure Leo doesn't want peeps thinking that his protege is learning this rookie mess from him, and I am sure he doesn't want to get caught in the hail of cellphones as bullets Naomi will be machine gunning at any yachting vessel anywhere near the Iberian Peninsula. Leo has been standing at stud for all the top modeling agencies in the world for a while and seems to be very generous about sharing that status, for Vlad to pick the one trick-in-training who is 20 years younger than Naomi and relatively close to her instead of one from the A-List Hollywood and; Billionaire's Stable is petty and junior high, and I am betting he was punished with more than Leo's titanic gaze of disappointment (sorry- I couldn't resist).You know the one person who is not disappointed at all and is probably reveling at this whole drama de los amantes is Vlad's long-estranged wife Ekaterina (estranged for an eternity, bitches, but never an ex. Yep, I'm looking at you, Zi). That woman has probably laughed the Botox out of her face as she sits on her Mink chaise lounge donning the super wealthy Russian equivalent of pajamas and a bowl of popcorn- an ankle length Barguzin Sable fur coat and a Lalique Igor bowl of Imperial River Beluga caviar- and reads about all this foolery via her Google alerts.
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