Why the Game is Beautiful (to Me)

Last Sunday afternoon, along with about 700 million other people, I watched the final game of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Last Sunday evening, I heard about that many people grouse and grumble about how boring a game it was.


“What?!” I initially cried. “Were we watching the same game? I was on the edge of my seat the whole time!”

The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that I wasn’t immersed in the game to see the kicking and heading of the ball down the pitch into a net. I could see how people thought it was boring because it was scoreless until the 116th minute and if it had been a regular game, I would’ve turned it off. But it wasn’t: it was the Superbowl, game 7, the 18th hole, the 10th frame- the final game. And although I have followed the World Cups since 1998 and a couple of Euro Cups, I suddenly understood why I sat there through scoreless matches and blow outs: It is a beautiful game. It’s beautiful because it’s human, and it’s human because it reflects life.

Watching this World Cup, it finally all came together for me, how life and soccer are so intrinsically intertwined. There are amazing acts of destruction that are selfless (blatant Uruguayan hand ball against Ghana to keep them from scoring), and acts of selfishness that are amazing in their brutality (Brazilian stomping on Dutch player). We see laughter, tears, moments of sheer genius, and moments of unimaginable heartache. We see people who stoop to despicable acts of desperation, and people who rise above unimaginable obstacles with poise and grace.

There are men who are teamed with each other who can’t verbally communicate, but their feet sing a song with the ball that is the language of the universe that is understood by all. We see highs and lows that are simple in their complexity, and complex in their simplicity- much like we see in life. Sometimes the game is boring and minute-by-minute, nothing changes. Sometimes we think our hearts will explode with the excitement of an unexpected instance. That is humanity and life, and it’s beautiful. Just like the game.

2010 World Cup: And Then There Were Two

After a month of crazy surprise early exits (Italy), shocking defeats (Brazil), teams imploding and falling to pieces (France), and heartbreaking missed opportunities (USA, Ghana, Uruguay)- we have arrived at the end: Young Upstarts vs. Steely Vets: Speed and Flair vs. Size and Power: Spain vs. Netherlands. What a match it will be- and what boys we'll see matched up. Time to meet two stand-outs.

From the Spanish side, anyone with a television and access to World Cup news is now familiar, and probably a little in love with David Villa- so you can read about him anywhere. There's also "El Nino", the cherubic striker who led Spain to victory over Germany in the 2008 Euro Cup- Fernando Torres. Another one who's all over the place for his talent and adorable face. No, today I'm going to introduce you to the most amazing goalie most Americans have never heard of: Iker Casillas Fernandez, or Iker Casillas as he's commonly known.

This hotty, with his almost feminine beauty which is so common on the Spanish National Team (seriously- have you looked at the boys? Most of them are a "maybe he's born with it" Maybelline moment, eyebrow plucking, and shave away from being potential stars on RuPaul's Drag Race), joined us in the world in Madrid on May 20, 1981. Now the goalkeeper and vice captain for Real Madrid, Casillas is also the 1st choice goalkeeper and captain for the national team.

Ranked 4th in the 2008 Euro Footballer of the Year voting and 1st in 2009, Casillas was also voted into the UEFA Team of the Year for the 3rd time at the end of 2009. This cat came out of the gate on fire: In 2000 he became the youngest goalkeeper to play in a Champions League final @ 19 years of age, and in the 2002 World Cup, one of his saves in the quarterfinal game against South Korea was rated by FIFA as one of the top 10 saves of all time. Read that again, bitches- pretty impressive.

The 29-year-old goalkeeper is not married, but he's dating sideline reporter Sara Carbonero, which got them in a little hot water with the fans early in this World Cup. Casillas allowed a goal during the 1st round game with Switzerland, which resulted in a Spanish loss of 1-0. Many fans thought that Carbonero's close proxity to the field before and during the game distracted Casillas and resulted in the goal allowance. Carbonero gave the world the side eye and in so many words said to kiss her ass because if her man "mucked up", that was on him. Not her. Okay?!


And now, y'all, let's move to the Netherlands and the land of dikes. And the attacking midfielder, Wesley Benjamin Sneijder. He might not the prettiest man on this side of the pitch, but boy howdy, he knows how to kick up some shit. For reals.

Sneijder was born in Utrecht on June 9, 1984 to a football playin' family: His pops was a player, as well as his older and younger brothers.

After starting with the AFC Ajax youth academy, his offical Ajax debut occurred in February 2003. Playing with them and establishing himself as being quick and strong on the ball, as well as being a dead-ball specialist, Sneijder was sold to Real Madrid for about 27 million Euros.

At Real Madrid, he was given the number 23, which was David Beckman's number during his 4 year tenure with the club, which should've been a hint. After losing that number to fellow Dutchman Rafael van der Vaart after he was purchased by Real Madrid, because it was van der Vaart's preferred, Sneijder became #10, and then became a member of another team.

After being unceremoniously dumped by Real Madrid, Wesley was bought by Internazionale for about 15 million Euros on August 27, 2009, and he kicked and headed his way to a status to which most ballers can only dream: He has won the Italian championship, the Champions League, and Cup double all within the space of two months.

All that is fine and good, but let's move onto the good stuff- his personal life. In June of 2005, Sneijder married Ramona Streekstra and together they had their son Jessey in September of 2006. That kept him busy for a while, but evidently not his heart and peen because in August 2009 he got cold busted making out with Yolanthe Cabau van Kasbergen, a Dutch actress/ personality, in parking garage.

Turns out Ms. Thang Yolanthe was at that time, living with Jan Smit, the country's most famous pop star. Oops.

Of course, everyone climbed up into their pulpits to mentally pitch rotten tomatoes at the couple's morality, or lack thereof- until Sneijder's wondrous ball skills left them weighing the Ten Commandments against the dirty leg who is one of the main driving forces of the most successful Holland team in 32 years. Guess which one won?

Yolanthe obviously has got something we bitches need to learn because in this short amount of time, she got that man to take her hand and her religion: Sneijder converted to Catholism and will be walking Yolanthe down the aisle in Tuscany the weekend after the World Cup final. Sneijder has said that he and Yolanthe pray on the phone together, and he prays before every match.

It is said that "a child shall lead them", and I'm sure that the Dutch are hoping that a man who's at least a little taller than a child will tomorrow.

2010 WC: Final Weekend

Update: It's German 3-2.

OK girls and boys, I was super lame & didn't do as I said and follow the final 16 hotties in the World Cup. Sorry. I was too busy watching the games (oh, Ghana).

Anyway, since we are down to the final weekend- actually the battle for 3rd place is happening as I type and watch on my computer screen (thank you, Univision. ESPN and ABC can go suck an egg, kiss my grits, up their nose with a rubber hose & anything other 70s sitcom insult you can think of to let them know they blow and suck all at once in terms of their online WC coverage). Apologies, I digress.

Since we are down to the battle for third, I thought I would I would introduce y'all to a couple of boys I know: One from Germany and one from Uruguay. Now, here I chose to deviate a bit, for once, and highlight a WC coach. Yep, a coach. I better introduce him now because it might be the last time you see him on the sidelines guiding a WC team. Without further ado my chirrun, I give you Joachim Loew (Low).

Now, before you bitches start giving me the side eye & wondering if I got kicked in the head with a Jabulani- let me 'splain. I know no one is ever going to accuse him of being the most handsome man in the world. And I know he's playing a dangerous game with that Jerry-Lewis-at-70 jet black hair dye. I also know that he's a creepy looking cat. I mean, if he were on an episode of Law & Order: SVU, you would immediately know that he was the one committing the felony- whatever it may be. His expressionless cool definitely hints at a capacity to easily kill. I know all of that, but I can't help myself: I find him sexy.

Joachim "Jogi" Low was born on February 3, 1960 (he's 50-with that body- yes, I know) in Schonau, West Germany. A married father of one, Jogi's soccer tenure began with a youth career that included playing 4 times for the German national under-21 team. His senior soccer career began in 1978 with team SC Freiburg. The attacking midfielder played for 5 other teams, and returned twice to Freiburg during his career, before ending his run with FC Winterthur in Switzerland.

While still active as a player, Jogi began coaching while he was still active as a player in the early-mid 1990s. In 2004, the talented tactician was brought on board by Jurgen Klinsmann to serve with him as the assistant coach for Germany. In the 2006World Cup, their team turned out a great performance against Portugal to win third place. When Klinsmann decided to move onto more American pastures, days after the WC ended, Low was appointed head coach. After coming in second to Spain in the 2008 Euro Cup, Low's German team looks to repeat their 3rd place win in the 2006 World Cup. We'll know in about :45 minutes.




Ah, Uruguay. The South American scrappers who fought so hard to get to the final four, only to be stopped by the Dutch and forced to now battle the Germans through to a 3rd place spot.


Watching that team throughout the World Cup, your eyes had to be drawn at some point or another to #10: Diego Forlan- or if we want to be thorough, Diego Martin Forlan Corazo, the 5"10 striker from Montevideo. Although he was born into a family of soccer players on May 19, 1979, I have to wonder if he is not, in fact, the love child of CeCe Deville from Poison. Assuming he's not, we at least now know what CeCe would've looked like if he had picked up a soccer ball instead of a guitar that talked to Bret Michaels.

Diego was actually a promising tennis player in his youth beore concentrating on soccer. He started his soccer career with Independiente in Argentina before moving onto Man U in 2002. Things didn't go so smoothly for our boy in the land of Angles (the people, not the figure formed by 2 lines extending from the same point), and in 2004 he moved onto Spanish club Villareal CF. He also won the Golden Boot that year along with Thierry Henry (the much beloved French player who garnered a potato field full of Irish fans after a blatant handball that was missed by the referee- named Ray Charles, evidently- and the subsequent ousting of Ireland from 2010 World Cup contention by the French).

This two-time winner of the Pichichi Trophy with the legs of steel is not married, but he is in a relationship with Argentine model and actress, Zaira Nara.

Flash Panel of Chocolate and Pearls Greeting Cards

Design a personalized gift at Zazzle.

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: David James

All that sexy in the photo to the left is David James. James is English footballer who is a goalkeeper for the English national team, and is captain of English Football League Championship club Portsmouth.

James, born August 1, 1970 in Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire, started his club level career at Watford, before going onto to Liverpool, Aston Villa, West Ham, Manchester City, and finally, Portsmouth.

The 6”4 tall glass of water has four children with his former wife Tanya and is known not only for his moves on the pitch, he has modeled for Giorgio Armani and H & M. To help keep all that pretty together in a tight package, James spent the 2003 off-season as a guest at the Miami Dolphins training camp, where he worked out with them, studied their training tactics, and got high with Ricky Williams. (I kid!)

So, not only is the man athletic and so pretty, he’s an art lover who also writes a regular column for the The Observer newspaper – and donates his article pay to charity. And it gets better: He also loves our Mother Earth so much, he converted his car to run on rapeseed oil. He travels to Africa to help raise AIDS awareness, to help teenagers develop job skills with a foundation he started, and is a global ambassador to the Special Olympics. When not doing all that he likes to take off his cape and retire to the Fortress of Solitude.



David James, y’all, don’t forget the name.


You’re welcome.

2010 World Cup Hotties

Okay, kids! The World Cup is officially upon us and in celebration, I am compiling my own list of hotties from the pitch. A beautiful game it is in deed. Now, for my last Hot with a Chance of Sexy on May 15th, I introduced y'all to Cristiano Ronaldo, who, unless you've been passed out under a foosball table for the last month, you've certainly heard about or seen.

I am going to try to stay away from the boys we constantly hear about from here on out (except our USA team- holla!), so git your eyes ready some yummy, yummy, unexpectedly beautiful treats.

You're welcome.

Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? Female Bodybuilders

Okay, chirrun. I was flipping through stations a couple of weeks ago, and came upon a documentary on MSNBC called "Twisted Sisters". It was a behind-the-benchpress look at female bodybuilders, and for some reason, I cannot get it out of my head.

I will say, honestly, that while I absolutely appreciate the dedication and hardwork these ladies put into their sport, I don't really "get it". The things that they have to sacrifice and do to attain and maintain their looks is not for the feint of heart, or a weak bitch like me, that's for sure. I have torn a ligament in my leg trying to grab the remote with my feet because I was too lazy to get off the sofa and pick it up (okay, slight exaggeration, but you get the picture).

The ladies they interviewed were extremely honest and forthright about what goes into being a successful, competitive bodybuilder- which made the documentary that much more interesting because they didn't sugarcoat shit- and I'm sorry, it takes an extremely special person to do this stuff. Or a bunch of crazy, average ones.

More than one of the ladies said that anyone who's seriously competing and says they aren't taking anabolic steriods is lying. Even though it deepens their voices, makes their foreheads, noses, and earlobes bigger- and that these effects don't go away even when they stop taking them (yeah, ya heard me)- they still take them to bulk up.

Given that the prime age for women to compete in this sport is in her 30s and 40s, most have families of their own, or at least their own bills to pay, and you can probably guess that this isn't a moneymaking sport. One woman said that you can potentially spend thousands of dollars training for a show and if you win, you get a trophy. Since they train so hard and so often- many times all day, six days a week, they cannot hold jobs. So how do they make money? The old fashioned way in a new fashioned world.

The internet, once again, has united a troop of fetishists on a weirdly, masturbatory cyber playground and these dudes are into "muscle goddesses". The bodybuilders will do porn, nude photos, and flexing on webcams for pay-by-minute views. It seems if you can dream it, somone will strip down and do it in front of a webcam or camera. The woman pictured above, Lauren Powers, has been paid $4,000 to arm or leg wrestle fetishists in Athens and Dubai (man, there are some freaks in Dubai. I guess if you have a bazillion dollars and have nailed everyone in your palace, your interests get a little more off the beaten path). I know that everybody has to eat, but it's sad that although these women could probably kick the shit out of many of their male cyberfans, they still have to submit to their fantasies to even afford a protein shake.

So my question is, do you think female bodybuilding/ builders are sexy and if so, what about it appeals to you?

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Cristiano Ronaldo

Greasy. Sleazy. Easy. And arguably one of the best footballers and most hated dudes to ever kick a ball for money, just in time for the World Cup, meet (if you don't already know) Cristano Ronaldo (Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro). Even though he seems to love baking in the sun until he's the color of an eggplant, and appears to use so many body and hair care products that he looks like he'd slide right out of a hooker's arms, Cristiano is hot. Sorry.

Born February 5, 1985 in Funchal, Madeira, Portugal- this 6"1 forward for Spanish club Real Madrid is also the captain of the Portuguese national team. Oh, and his hot 25-year-old ass is also the (believed to be) highest-paid football player in the world. Perhaps that's why there's a hateronaldo.com website, I Hate Cristiano Ronaldo facebook page, and countless blogs doggin' him out: Chicks wanna do him and dudes (though they would never admit it) want to be him.

Even though he could probably get with any woman in the world he wanted, much like wealthy men who have come before him and those will surely come after him, Cristiano has a predilection for the ladies who turn illusions for money. And much like those aforementioned men, his "does your vagina take debit cards" peen has gotten him in some shit. In 2007, when he was still playing for Manchester United, he and some of his teammates decided it would be a good idea to have a sexy party with some "sexually indiscriminate, used for yard work" kind of girls ("What is a ho, Alex?"). They paid for the girls to come over, but not much evidently because they ended up with some bitter, busted lookin', chatty hos who were happy to sell their story to the tabloids after Crissy and his teammates treated them with "such little respect" (I don't know ho etiquette, but I am assuming that means they didn't get paid well). The puritanical American family who had recently bought the team was pissed, and so in an effort to do some damage control and make the ladies who love him forget he's a dirty leg, this picture somehow found its way onto the internet a few days later (minus the "yum"):

Since that time, his autobiography called "Moments" has been published, he opened a clothing store with his sister called CR7, and Emporio Armani says that he will replace David Beckham as the spokesmodel for men's underwear and jeans. He's still making dirty with the ladies, most recently & famously (reputedly): Kim Kardashian. And he's still pretty to look at.

You're welcome.

If You Build It, They Will Come (Evidently)

OK, boys and girls- I think that we have officially "gone too far" as our parents, teachers, or other adults have told us all at one point or another:

No, you're not looking at a still from the remake of the "Other Sister"- say hello to Roxxxy (clever, no?) and her inventor, Douglas Hines. Roxxxy is 5 foot 7, 120 pounds of hypoallergenic silicone molded over a rigid skeleton. That's right, bitches- Roxxxy is a talking sex robot & for a mere $7,000, she can be yours.

Hines, a self-professed happily married man (I would love to hear what the wife says about that), spent more than three years developing the robot. "She doesn't vacuum or cook, but she does almost everything else," Hines quipped. Ha, ha.

There's a motor in her chest that pumps heated air through a tube that keeps her warm to the touch, she has sensors in her hands and genital areas, and she shudders to simulate orgasm.

Hines says that his customer base is dorky-ass or old-ass dudes who can't get laid (okay, I paraphrased, but I'm betting that's what he meant). To make them feel less like Freaky McWeirdo, who's got a permanent restraining order filed mentally by women and children everywhere, Roxxxy has different dialouges, she talks in her sleep, and she even snores. "She's a real girl," he cried.

Here's an idea, take the $7,000 and invest in some intense self-help tools. Seriously. Because if a dude is creepy and doesn't know how to talk to women- or he's uncomfortable with a woman, that's one thing- there's help if they want to search for it.

But, as we all know, a lot of men who can't relate to women dehumanize us in insidious and violent ways, which makes for great episodes of "Forensic Files", "Dateline", and "The First 48"; but a good date? Not so much. It's really frightening to think of what these Ted Bundy reduxs will do when they think that human females aren't.

To see the full article and terrify yourself a bit click here.

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Jason Momoa (Original Posting)

If you're like me and never watched Baywatch Hawaii (I know, I know- how on earth did we miss that?) or Stargate Atlantis- let me introduce you to Jason Momoa. Physically, he's just a dude on a stick, right? He's also been cast as the lead in the new Conan the Barbarian movie scheduled for release in 2011, and he's the father of Lisa Bonet's youngest daughter and son, as well as still being her hot piece. (The word on the street is that Jason was set to marry an Aussie actress he'd been dating for seven years, Simmone Jade MacKinnon, when Lisa's uterus trumped her ass and Baby Lola moved in for 9 months.)

Jason was born in Honolulu, HI on August 1, 1979, but raised in Iowa. (And yes, he's going to be 31 this year. I am scared of Ms. Cougar Bonet, okay? She must've pushed him off of his Big Wheel straight into her bed.) His father was a Native Hawaiian and it sounds like his mother was everything else.

In 1998 Jason returned to Hawaii and was discovered by the designer Takeo- thus beginning his modeling career. He must've been the hardest workin' ho on the islands because in 1999 he won Hawaii's Model of the Year, and hasn't looked back since career-wise.

Speaking of actin' a ho, in November of 2008 Jason was at a bar in West Hollywood (when he probably should've been home with his then eight-months-pregnant partner), and got into an argument with some dude. The dude evidently tried to make the work of art that is Jason's face into a Piccaso and Jason had to have 140 stitches and some plastic surgery to bring all that pretty back. The culprit, said to be named Dominic Bando, reportedly was facing up to 7 years for the altercation. He should've gotten that automatically for trying to jack up something so gorgeous, and then time on top of it for the malice behind the act.


I'm sure that as we get closer to the new Conan being released there will be pictures and info galore about Mr. Momoa. For now, enjoy these few.





You're welcome.

Ten Things You Didn't Know about Orchids (& I Didn't Either)

I have been having a love affair of late with orchids: the coloring, the yoni resemblance, and the beauty of their unique design. I realized, however, that I don't know much about these flowers, so I took it upon myself to do some research. I found out some interesting things about orchids, and let's be honest- what's knowledge without sharing it with others so they know how smart you are? Hopefully this list will come in handy if you're playing a trivia game, trying to impress a horticulturist (hell, I'm impressed if you know a horticulturist), or if you are held at gunpoint and forced to tell the most innocuous/useless bit of information you have stored in your grey matter:

1. The name orchid comes from the Greek root "orkis" meaning "testicle".

2. Hummingbirds are not attracted to orchids.

3. Vanilla is the only comestible orchid and the vanilla stick is the fermented and blackened pod of an orchid.

4. There are roughly 35,000 species of orchids in the world.

5. The movie Adaptation was based on the Susan Orlean book The Orchid Thief.

6. Moyobamba, Peru is known as the "City of Orchids" because there are about 3,500 species of orchid native to the area.

7. Orchids are one of the oldest plant families dating from the dinosaur era.

8. Many people who collect orchids have an orchid heir in their wills because they know the plants will outlast them.

9. Vanilla comes from the Spanish word "vainilla" meaning "little pod".

10. Until the beginning of the 20th century, orchids couldn't be cultivated from seeds.

You're welcome!

Turkish Oil Wrestling- A Simply Beautiful Explanation

Yagli Gures, oil wrestling, is the national sport of Turkey. Turkish Oil Wrestling was established as a sport during a campaign launched by the Orhan Gazi, the Ottoman sultan, to capture Rumeli (Thrace). At the place where he and forty warriors camped, they began wrestling for fun. The legend maintains that two of them wrestled for hours from morning until midnight, became exhausted, and died. They were buried under a fig tree, and when the soldiers visited the burial site years later, they noticed that springs had sprung up and named the place Kirkpinar (Forty Springs). Kirkpinar is in Edirne, which was the capital of the Ottoman Empire for 91 years and is the place of the most famous and important tournament of the year.



The application of oil makes it hard for the wrestlers to hold each other, but its original use is also rooted in religious and spiritual aspects. There is also the more practical belief that olive oil was used by the people in Anatolia on a daily basis to protect them from the ravages of mosquito bites, and the wrestlers simply wrestled with their bodies oiled.




The wrestlers, called “pehlivans” wear “kispets”, which are tight-fitted water buffalo or calf leather trunks that tie at the waist and extend to the knees. After slathering each other in an olive oil and water mixture, the pehlivans engage in a battle of strength and endurance. Each competitor is allowed to reach into his opponent’s kispets as a method to control him and attempt to win the match. The wrestler’s whose “umbilicus is exposed to heaven” first loses the match. In the Kirkpinar matches, until 1975, there was no time limit on the matches. Now, depending on the category, there is a 30-40 minute limit with extra time if no winner has been determined by the end of “regulation”.



From June 21st- 27th, 2010, the 649th tournament will take place in Edirne. The tournaments are veritable fairs with music, celebrations, belly dancing, and singing attended by locals, and the mayor. Even the President of Turkey makes an appearance at the time honored matches. There are over 1,000 participants and the winner of the main category, the “bas pehlivan” receives money, a horse, an ox, or other such prizes.

For more detailed history, information, and more photos go to www.turkishoilwrestling.net.

Yoni Jewelry? Priceless.

Continuing with my fascination with vulva imagery and replication in nature, I have also discovered a couple of artists who make yoni inspired jewelry. Granted I have not ordered any of their work yet, but I thought I would pass it along to anyone who might be interested.

A few years ago, a couple of my friends went to Rome and brought me back a penis pendant made of some sort of heavy-ass-iron-like metal. I found a thin leather band and started to wear it as a necklace because I liked it. I thought that it was designed well and I loved the boldness of it. A lot of people were absolutely horrified and disgusted that I would wear something so blatantly sexual around my neck which was shocking to me here in San Francisco. I wonder how they would've reacted to the pendants featured below? They would've mentally stoned me in the streets for sure, and probably would've thought that I should be lashed until I dropped.

Anyway, I appreciate what these artists have created, so here is the link info & some sample pictures. If any of y'all order one before I do, please let me know what you think of it's quality and design up close because I think they look great on the website:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/QuiteCntrary



You can also check out http://www.etsy.com/shop/VulvaLoveLovely

What's that Scent? Vulva.

Ah, the innovative Germans have done it again. Cars, weaponry, shaving products, oral care, coffee makers, and now their coup de grace: Perfume.

Perhaps in celebration of their Bundeskanzlerin, Angela Merkel- whose very female presence once inspired Bush the Younger to give the most embarrassingly uncomfortable shoulder rub in Western History- the scent scientists in the Fatherland have given us VULVA Original.

"VULVA Original is not a perfume. It is a beguiling vaginal scent which is purely a substance for your own smelling pleasure. Breathe in and enjoy, anytime..." according to their website info at smellmeand.com. The product is meant for arousal/masturbation, which is great, but it makes me wonder about women applying their own scent behind their ears to stimulate their men.

I wouldn't want my man sniffing on some, albeit chemically enhanced, scent of some other bitch. Maybe that's just my crazy ass. I have actually never applied my own Original to other parts of my body to entice, but it makes me want to. How about it ladies, anyone out there want to cop to doing it and share the results?

On a side note, one of the "concerns" is that it would be offensive to gay men and they would be grossed out. Really? While I haven't actually smelled it, I think that the power of suggestion probably really comes into play with this product. I mean, there could be a fragrance line called "Sweaty Ball Sac" with the exact same scent and straight men would be grossed out by the thought it, and if forced to smell it, they would probably react negatively.

Finally, You can see the VULVA commercial here. If you skip the commercial, you can go onto the website. WoW! Talk about the power of suggestion. Trust me, y'all, if you look at it enough, you won't need the product to assist you in your masturbatory indulgences. Enjoy!

Dude...???

Meet Balian Buschbaum, German pole vaulter, hottie, extraordinaire. Oh, and he used to be a female.

Our sexy-ass Balain was born Yvonne Buschbaum in 1980 and soared to new heights in pole vaulting before injury and the need to jump genders ended her career.

She decided to quit Yvonne because, "I feel as if I am a man and have to live my life in the body of a woman. I am aware of the fact that transsexuality is a fringe issue, and I do not want to be responsible for it remaining on the fringe."



Well, two years later, from the hormones and counseling rose this beautiful man. In a diary entry on his website stated, "Courage is the road to freedom. I woke up in complete freedom today. The sky is wide open."

I have to say congratulations to Balian for the having the courage to be who he needed to be on the outside as well as the inside. And on behalf of my eyes, I also say, "Thank you!"

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Wade and Noah of Noah's Arc

Okay- I am always a day late and a dollar short in life. I am not the trendsetter that I fancy in my head, so it's not surprising that I just discovered the fabulousness that is Noah's Arc after it's been off the air for years.

I had heard of it, knew it was about 4 gay brothas, and loved that someone had finally done it, but I never had the chance to watch it until a few weeks ago. Logo finally got wise and cashed in on the "ethnics" who were watching the lead-in, RuPaul's Drag Race, and started re-running the 2 seasons.

I am not delusional, I know that there is some baaaddddd acting on that show, but it's endearing, and let's face it, there are some hotties on there. Love the fact that they actually showed man love, real relationships, and long, slow, deep, soft, wet, sexy kisses. But the clamp on the nipple, the lube on the condom- whatever you want to call it- is Wade and Noah. Those men are beautiful enough independently, but together? Breathtaking. It just makes my kitty yowl.

After watching the episodes in season 2, I made it my business to find some pictures of these beauties. Never mind work and deadlines, I was on a mission. And I succeeded.

You're welcome.

Flowers

During the summers when I was a kid, when I wasn't at the swimming pool, I loved to wander through the woods that surrounded my neighborhood. My neighbor would bring her dog, and she and I would spend hours roaming around. We would chat about the things that were so very important to 11 and 12 year old girls, and I would collect rocks. For some reason, I never really paid attention to the flora, but I would have pockets full of interesting rocks by summer's end.

I was never a big plant or flower person. My mother had plants around the porch and patio, and grew Elephant Ears in her tiny "garden". My sister and I liked to try to jump over the Elephant Ears when she wasn't paying attention, and the plants were nice enough, but I wasn't captivated. I think my disinterest orginated when she would make us water them, or drag us to those hot-ass-outdoor-Texas nurseries which always seemed to be located somewhere in BFE, about 2 minutes from the center of the sun.

Besides that, I always thought that flowers were too "girly". I mean they were pretty and smelled nice, but my interest in them was never genuine. Until recently. Until I finally noticed that, yes, they are very girly- and it's a truly beautiful thing about them. They so pure and yet sensual, erotic but yet nearly banal in their simplicity, that I have become completely fascinated.

The overt, blatant resemblance of certain blossoms to the human female anatomy screams for recognition and discussion. During my brief foray I have discovered painters that I didn't know, poets whose work I had never the pleasure, and photographers with amazingly clever eyes and lenses.

I have started working on a line of cards focusing on some of the photographs I have discovered, and I am sure I will yammering on about the topic, which most of you are probably well aware of, so be advised.

Here are a couple of shots of some of the more obvious flowers of which I speak. Enjoy.

Gloria Vanderbuilt Writes Erotica? Yep.

Gloria Vanderbuilt. Yes, she of the black denium jeans (it's a shame to call them jeans). Yes, the mother of the CNN silver fox Anderson Cooper. Yes, the octogenarian. Yes, that Gloria Vanderbuilt wrote an erotic novel last year, which was published by Ecco, called Obsession: An Erotic Tale. Who knew?

According to a New York Times article by Charles McGrath, the tale is rife with sexual scenes involving orgies, dildos, whips, silken cords, golden nipple clamps, hairbrushes for spanking, mint, cayenne pepper, fresh garden carrots, and a unicorn. We've much to learn from our elders, eh?

Having been married four times and having had affairs with men like Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra, and Howard Hughes, I would imagine that Ms. Vanderbuilt's got a trick or two in her nightstand drawer. And I say that with nothing but sheer admiration.

I love the fact that a woman in her 80s has written a book that allows us to see that sexual desire and fantasties don't automatically diminish simply because a person gets older. Sex is a lifelong celebration and pleasure, and I applaud the fact the she is bold enough and comfortable enough to write about it.

Ever since I became a devotee of the show Golden Girls at a very young age, I have been a huge proponent of sexual expression being discussed and explored by post-menopausal women. By seeing and reading about it, it serves to dispel the erroneous notion that most of us have about sex among older people being boring or non-existent.

Big ups to Gloria- and I look forward to reading her first foray into the world of erotica. I would also love to hear from anyone who has had the chance to read her tale.

And for my fellow fans of the Golden Girls who also happen to like porn, I found this tidbit on the internet today, Not sure if it's real or not, but I wouldn't be surprised:

A Leftover From April Fools?

Posted using ShareThis

Nature is Sexy

I found these pictures on the Internet- you have probably seen them before or some like them- but I like them because I feel it reminds us that we see our images in nature because we are a part of nature. It's so simple, natural, and beautiful to me-but it also makes me giggle like I did when I was a child and heard a word I knew was a "no-no word" or saw something unexpectedly "naughty".

Chocolate and Pearls Greeting Cards

I have always had a "thing" for greeting cards. I think that they are such a nice way to remind someone that you are thinking of him or her. With the explosion of card styles and occasions for which they can be found, the options are fairly limitless. Especially when you figure in the internet and the host of individual and selling sites to be found there.

The one area that I noticed which was seriously lagging, was in the area of sexy, erotic, tantalizing greeting cards. Everything that I found seemed to be made by the guys who brought you "Superbad". Not that there's anything wrong with that movie, but I don't need that kind of base humor when I am trying to entice my man. When he's with me, I want him thinking of me, not some lingerie model in a lace teddy.

I decided to try my hand at greeting card writing and accompany the text with very naturally stimulating, simple photos. I hope that you will like them as much as I do.

See my greeting cards at www.zazzle.com/chocolateandpearls.