Blindness, Hairy Palms, and Dead Kittens

If you've noticed more of the aforementioned afflictions this past month, don't worry.  It's not part of the Mayan Prophecy or anything like that.  It turns out that May is National Masturbation Month.  I feel like a bad mother for not letting y'all know this sooner, but I was too busy masturbating.  I kid.  I honestly didn't know until yesterday, but alas- the best has been saved for the end of the month- if you live in San Francisco.  I will get to that in a minute because we first have to discuss why May is Masturbation Month (and surprisingly it has nothing to do with Beltane).

For those of you who are too young to remember, or were too hopped on E at the raves to remember, in 1995 Dr. Jocelyn Elders, the most bad ass, honest Surgeon General ever was FIRED for saying that masturbation needed to be talked and taught about in sex education classes.  I know. This bitch had the nerve and audacity to encourage talking about the safest sex possible (unless you asphyxiate yourself or get something stuck) in a healthy, educational setting  to young people.  Dr. Elders being fired for that was like Celie telling Harpo to beat Sophia:  wrong.

In a show of support for Dr. Elders and as a way of speaking out against the irresponsible, sexually retarded  (and I mean "retarded" in its true definition, not "differently-abled")  beliefs that choke this country, San Francisco based Good Vibrations, the clean, well-lit place to buy erotica and pleasure items started National Masturbation Month (NMM). The intention behind NMM was and is to get people talking about self-pleasure openly and without being embarrassed.

The culmination of NMM has been, and continues through this year to be the Masturbate-A-Thon.  That's right- it's like Rule 34 jumped off-line and morphed into Rule 69:  If it's sexual and you can think of it, you can find it somewhere in San Francisco.  So for those of you out there who have always wanted to masturbate in a room full of strangers & not get arrested, Sunday, May 27th, 2012 is your chance.

The Center for Sex & Culture, at 1349 Mission Street, has scheduled this year's Masturbate-A-Thon from 10PM-12AM.  For the low price of $40, you can sponsor yourself or bring a sponsor form with pledges from your boss, mom, dad, memaw, pepaw, or in-laws; whoever you're not too embarrassed to ask.  The money goes to support CSC and their continuing efforts in sexual health and education.  There are various prizes to be won, an open bar, and a finger buffet (kidding about the last two).  For more real information, go to http://masturbate2012.tumblr.com, or you can check out their website @ www.sexandculture.org. 
See ya Sunday!!