Look! Up on the
screen! It’s a bird, it’s a plane! It’s a super sexy man. And his name is Alessandro Gassman. If it weren’t so freaking impossible to find
information in English on the interwebs about non-American or British-ish
actors, I could tell you a lot more about this thoroughbred of a man called
Alessandro. As it is now, I could probably find plutonium easier than bio info
about this mo’fo. So even though I am
about to wax poetic about this man, I seriously know nothing about him. I guess sometimes a girl just has to buckle
down and force herself to be vapid, shallow, and presumptive, and I am up for
the challenge.
Alessandro Gassman was born in Rome on February 24, 1965-
which makes him 48 and a Pisces/Snake. Along with the Dragon, the Snake is my
favorite Chinese sign. His father was
the super famous and talented Italian actor Vittorio Gassman, and his mother is
the former French actress, Juliette Mayniel.
The couple was never married, which I would assume must’ve been a bit
scandalous back then, even for actors.
While Alessandro is the only child of his father’s union with Juliette, he
has quite a few half siblings running amuck from his father’s other marriages,
including one to Shelley Winters briefly in the early 1950s.
Alessandro started acting when he was 17 and has done lots
of films, as well as television, and thankfully for us bitches, some modeling.
In 2001 he was chosen as the face for Yves Saint Laurent’s Opium cologne. He also- thank you, Jesus- posed for some
breathtaking shots in Italy’s Max Magazine in December of 2000. His body looks so lean and strong and long in
these pictures, I can’t help but think again of a thoroughbred, and I just want
to mount him and ride him. I am hoping
that since he has already made one movie based on a Turkish tradition, Steam:
The Turkish Bath (originally called Hamam) in 1997, that when some brave director finally makes the 21st
century Spartacus- which will be
about Turkish Oil Wrestlers- they will include Alessandro. He might be 48, but he’s still got it. And I would like to see more of it.
On the personal front, Alessandro has been married to
Sabrina Knaflitz since 1998 and they have one son named Leo who was also born
in that year. Bully for them, they seem
happy, but it’s interesting to note that immediately prior to marrying Sabrina,
Alessandro was reportedly engaged to a French chick named Beatrice Dalle who,
from the scant information I have found, is a model turned actress. When I initially read that she got in trouble
for going Naomi on a meter maid in France and then got busted for possession of
cocaine in Miami, I assumed she was just born crazy. But if it’s true that he put a bun in
Sabrina’s oven, wifed her up, and dumped Beatrice in the process, then not only
does my boy have hoecakes frying in his slut skillet, but Beatrice’s crazy is probably
Alessandro-made. I would pound on a parking
cop and haul booger sugar to Miami too if that panther of a man dogged me out
like that. He’s just so much dude that
the idea of losing him like that to some other broad would probably make me go
nine kinds of crazy as well.
While Alessandro is definitely good looking, he’s not the
best looking man in the world admittedly.
He’s got those big ass teefs (his teefs are fucking huge, like a
character on the Family Guy or
something), and at the end of the day, he could probably use some Proactiv (who couldn’t?), but put it
all together, and it works for me. In fact, if he Hollywooded himself and fixed
either of those things, he wouldn’t be as magic to me anymore. Something explodes out of that man’s soul
spirit like a star going supernova and it sets me on fire. He’s manly in an old school way to me and
when I look at him, I immediately think of Anthony Quinn’s “uber” man character
in La Strada and Diego Abatantuono’s
character in Mediterraneo merging and
coming to life in him. If Alessandro’s
masculinity were a voice, it would be a dark cognac of a
baritone that didn’t know how to talk softly.
He unintentionally beats me in the head with his staminate virility, and
I savor every blow. He seems so powerful
-almost regal- like he should’ve been born a caliph or king. And though I can’t capture the essence of my
thoughts in exact words, I know what I mean and how much I would love to kiss
his ring.
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