Forget Romeo and Juliet and picture this: Kariba, Zimbabwe- resort town on the
northwestern end of Lake Kariba in the Marshonaland West province. It’s the center of tourist industry for the Lake
Kariba region with two casinos and several restaurants. This is where you live, you’ve been working
all day at the local market, and can’t wait to get off so you can see your man
and get off. You have a bit of the
home-brewed mahewu, some Mukumbi, or if your customers were truly making the
year round heat unbearable, some doroluthwala.
The embers of your passions are sparked in a way you can’t control, and
when said fisherman/boyfriend comes a-calling, y’all retreat to your favorite
love nest in the secluded, bushy area near town. You’re making your own amateur porn without
the camera, when suddenly you hear a lion roar, and you become an episode of
“When Animals Attack”. And it all gets hella real all of a sudden.
It sounds like a ngano (fictional folklore) told through the
ages, but no, unfortunately, it was the reality for Sharai Mawera. Ms. Thang had an itch that only her man could
scratch like he had done many times in the past, and they met in the quiet,
hidden heat of the African bush. Only
this time, a rogue and obviously riled up lion, made himself the ménage of this
a trois, and the “household of three” quickly became dinner for one.
The fisherman boyfriend, who has remained nameless though he
arrived at the police station and told the full story of the incident, managed
to get away while the lion mauled the unfortunate Ms. Mawera, also known- for
some bush reason that I don’t understand- as Mai Desire. I do understand that the human fight or
flight instinct kicks in, but damn yo, you left a bitch like that? He was naked and unarmed, so I guess his only
option was to outrun her, but it just sounds so cold. It’s probably safe to say that Mustafa’s
attack probably destroyed the boyfriend’s desire for outdoor sex, but even if
it didn’t, 5 would get me 10 if I bet that no women in the town will ever again listen to his call of the
wild to bang in the bushes. As though it
wasn’t enough that he lost his lady in such a horrid fashion, he walked
naked-but for a condom- (yay, Africa) out onto the main road for help and no
one would stop for a while because of the aforementioned fact. That alone makes me makes me wonder what the
hell goes on in the bush of Kariba which makes looking at naked people running
in the road seem normal enough that folks don’t stop their cars and immediately
question what the deuce they are seeing.
Is Zimbabwe Africa’s Florida? "I’d like to stop and help you, but I don’t wanna
get my face chewed off …"
The rangers shot at the lion, but he got away. In their search, though, they found an arm and
remains of a second corpse which they think is a man the lion attacked and ate
last week- hence his not completely devouring Ms. Mawera. People around the area of Kariba are being warned
through flyers and common damn sense, “beer drinkers to avoid moving at night
on foot”.
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