Notes from My Journal (Letting Go)

MMA Fighter Ray Elbe...One Broke Dick

O.K.  I know that most mammals have bones in their penises, but since humans don't in spite of the "boner" misnomer, I didn't know it was possible for a man to fracture his penis.  Until today.  Until MMA fighter Ray Elbe decided to come forth with his tale of penile woe.

According to Ray, when he and his lady were in Malaysia enjoying some sexy love times earlier this month, she bobbed when she should have weaved while she was on top of him, and crushed his special area. He bled like a stuck pig, passed out from the pain, and was rushed to the hospital (or as they call it in the 2nd official language in Malaysia: hospital).  The doctors performed emergency surgery for a "slight" (a quote, obviously not Ray Elbe's word) tear in his urinary tube, gave him some anti-erection medication (not sure what the meds were, but I am imagining photos of Honey Boo Boo's mother June in a two-piece bikini with that rope of fat around her neck for the win on my guess) to take for 2 weeks, and other than stress dreams and trying to trauma block out a pain that must have been akin to having a baby come out of his pee-pee hole, Elbe seems to be physically okay.

Ray chose to tell his version of a 21st century PSA (send a picture of yourself in an ambulance to TMZ) to the world because until it happened to him, he didn't know it was possible.  When he looked online after the fact, he was shocked to see that it's a pretty common occurrence but many men don't go to the ER when it happens because they are embarrassed and many don't realize, beyond the excruciating pain, the potential for serious internal injuries and long term damage when a cockeyed dick enthusiast's heat is even slightly misaligned with a heat seeking moisture missile.

While I feel bad for Elbe, I feel much better about myself.  I know that I am not a good sex person, but I can now take comfort in the knowledge that while I have made some dicks go limp, at least I have never fractured one (aiming high, bitches).

I also feel bad for Elbe's girlfriend, who according to him promised a threesome of his choice when they get to the Philippines, to which he added (regarding the Philippines), "...usually has some solid talent."  Great.  You basically already told the world that she fucks like a blind epileptic having a grand mal seizure, and now you're gonna put her in a corner and have her simulate sex until you're sure she learns how to ride right by watching some prostitute of questionable gender pound on your Wii. (Sorry, but that girlfriend isn't getting close to his penis again until she has some Phenobarbital and night vision goggles- I don't care what she promised.)

To read more about what a fractured dork means (from a doctor and; not just my sagacious ass) and see what to do if your spastic Magoo lover breaks your johnson, click here.

To read more about Ray Elbe's story at TMZ, click here.

Palace of Broken Hearts: A Museum of Lost Love

When I think of Eastern European people, two words immediately come to mind: passion and perseverance. So when I first read about The Museum of Broken Relationships, it wasn't surprising that the idea was born of two artists in Croatia.

The couple, Olinka and Drazen, were in the process of breaking up after four years. In sorting their possessions, the valuables with monetary meaning were easy to divide up- you take the TV and I will take the computer. It was the emotionally valuable objects that they found hard to let go of: like the Little Wind-up Bunny that they put in each others' suitcases for trips, and photographed doing wildly amazing things on said trips. Who was going to get the Little Wind-up Bunny?

Instead of battling each other, they put their feelings on display let the world take ownership as they began collecting mementos of break ups from others as well. After entering their collection into a local art festival, they soon found themselves putting up installations in Berlin, San Francisco, and Istanbul. Seems like the splitting of a broken heart resonates deeper and further than an exploding Krakatoa.

Back in Zagreb, Olinka and Drazen refurbished a palace to permanently display all of their "I loved you so much, why aren't you dead?" mementos of formerly lava hot love. Each room of the palace is arranged by theme, and holds a couple of dozen items.

For the grand opening of The Museum of Broken Relationships, the mayor of Zagreb offered to do a ribbon cutting, but was shut down in favor of two high-profile Croatian actors who had famously split up. The artists told the mayor if he wanted to cut the ribbon, he'd have to leave his wife first.

To find out more about the museum, please check out their website here: http://brokenships.com