TYB (That's Your Boyfriend): Rudy Eugene

I like the Walking Dead.  I do.  I have watched all the episodes of the first two seasons and I have read the comic books.  Yeah, it's gory and graphic, but I can put all of that on pause in my mind because it is so far-fetched and fantastical, I know that it's never going to happen for real.  At least I thought that until Saturday afternoon when I read about Rudy Eugene.  Rudy it seems, likes to ingest things that are very high up on the no-no list. Like bath salts. And when Rudy eats/snorts/ingests bath salts, he loses his fucking mind and starts eating faces. Or at least that what seems to have happened on Saturday.

Larry Vega, the poor, poor man who will probably start snorting bath salts his damn self to get the hellish images he witnessed out of his mind grapes forever, told anyone who would listen that he saw a naked dude on top of another naked cat, but they weren't playing Leap Frog or doing the Horizontal Hustle.  No, Rudy had gone all Faces of Death on his victim and was "eating the other guy away, like ripping his skin."  After Vega rubbed his eyes a few times and surely asked himself repeatedly, "What the fuck am I looking at?", he screamed at Eugene to get off.  Eugene evidently wasn't done with his face buffet, and continued to Lector his victim.  Finally, Vega flagged down a cop, who also screamed at Eugene to stop with no avail.  He only turned around and growled like the undead and kept on eating until a bunch of bullets from said cop's gun locked his jaw forever.  The victim is in critical condition with "75%-80%" of his face missing.

According to the cops and an emergency room physician, the drug makes people delirious, it elevates their temperatures, they exhibit extreme physical strength, and they use their jaws as weapons.  And according to police president Armando Augilar, four other drug-use instances in Miami-Dade bear a resemblance to this attack. When did The People Under the Stairs come out in Miami?

I hope that the victim survives because no one deserves to die like that, but also so he can tell us what exactly happened.  I wish that Rudy Eugene had survived as well if only to see video of him after he sobered up and came back to sanity's side of reality and saying to the police, "I'm sorry, I ate what?!"

For more information on this story and to prove to your friends you aren't making it up, go to:
http://www.latimes.com/news/nation/nationnow/la-na-nn-naked-face-eating-attack-20120529,0,2974308.story

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: David James

All that sexy in the photo to the left is David James. James is English footballer who is a goalkeeper for the English national team, and is captain of English Football League Championship club Portsmouth.

James, born August 1, 1970 in Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire, started his club level career at Watford, before going onto to Liverpool, Aston Villa, West Ham, Manchester City, and finally, Portsmouth.

The 6”4 tall glass of water has four children with his former wife Tanya and is known not only for his moves on the pitch, he has modeled for Giorgio Armani and H & M. To help keep all that pretty together in a tight package, James spent the 2003 off-season as a guest at the Miami Dolphins training camp, where he worked out with them, studied their training tactics, and got high with Ricky Williams. (I kid!)

So, not only is the man athletic and so pretty, he’s an art lover who also writes a regular column for the The Observer newspaper – and donates his article pay to charity. And it gets better: He also loves our Mother Earth so much, he converted his car to run on rapeseed oil. He travels to Africa to help raise AIDS awareness, to help teenagers develop job skills with a foundation he started, and is a global ambassador to the Special Olympics. When not doing all that he likes to take off his cape and retire to the Fortress of Solitude.



David James, y’all, don’t forget the name.


You’re welcome.