What the Week?! Ending 11/2/13

Kanye West (of Sanity) and Kim K are suing because their private, intimate proposal at AT&T Park in SF in front of family and the crew filming it all for their reality show was leaked online; thus besmirching the sanctity of the hallowed occasion… oh lord, even my fingers are laughing at that last line.  Anyway, these 2 greedy, soulless, megalomaniacs are mad because they won’t get as much money now from the network that produces their PBS-esque “Keeping up with the Kardashians” when that rat pail of a show comes back for another season.  If you can reach down deep enough into your soul to find the strength to give a shit, you can read the article here.

In other not-news news, Justin Bieber was “caught” coming out of a whorehouse in Rio.  I say “caught” because his security team draped him in a bed sheet and “slipped” him out- while allegedly spraying the paps with water.  Either they wanted him to be seen or he has the dumbest security/PR team ever known to celebs because last time I checked limo/Escalades, burly body guards, and bed sheets draped over tiny elfish tweens don’t scream “incognito”.  Put on a hat, change your shoes, put on a shirt to hide your tats, and lose the 30 man security team outside the establishment.  There.  I just snuck Beibs out of a whorehouse. You can see this foolery here.

And finally, embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has promised to stop getting “hammered” in public. Even though Marion Berry 2.0 hasn’t copped to smoking crack in the video where he is seen smoking crack, I like it when politicians agree to stop getting snot slinging drunk and cruising city hall in the early morning hours with open containers, swearing at their aides.  It’s responsibility.  It’s self growth.  Ford swears that not only will he not step down, he will run again in the election next year.  There is no tenacity like drunken tenacity, I will give him that.  You know he’s gonna stick to that mantra until the daisy chain of prostitutes start scurrying out of the alleys telling the rest of this sordid tale. And five will get you ten that mess (or something like it) is coming. Click here for story.

What the Week?!

Hilarity decided to dress up for Halloween early this year, and it came as this video from a Kuwaiti soccer match.  The referee made a call that the players didn’t agree with and forgetting all of their anti-bullying PSAs, decided to surround him and intimidate him into changing his mind. Unbeknownst to them, this referee has been dreaming of this moment since he picked up a whistle and put on that yellow shirt - bitch was ready.

     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sdbmmhHH5I

      Also, Chris Brown was arrested and charged with felony assault early Sunday morning in DC.  In other shocking celebrity news, Miley Cyrus stuck out her tongue.  As though the world didn’t already know what a douche he is, Brown kicked it up a cheesy notch by reportedly saying to the assault victim before hitting him, “I’m not down with that gay shit, I feel like boxing.”  I hope he remembers to tell that to his cellmate when he finally meets up with a judge who ain’t afraid to snatch the get- out- of- jail- free card that keeps magically appearing every time he goes to court. 
   
  http://www.tmz.com/2013/10/27/chris-brown-arrested-felony-assault-washington-dc/

 

      And finally, I saw this and it just made me smile.  No one famous, nothing salacious- just a dude cuttin' up at work, showing off some mad dancing skills that you know he perfected in the 80s and has been waiting to show off to the "youngsters" because "twerkin' ain't got shit on this old school style".

  http://dlisted.com/2013/10/28/hot-slut-of-the-day-129/

Marcus What (the Schekenburg) Happened?

Marcus Schekenburg does more before 9AM than I have done my whole life. Seriously, dude is a model, author, actor, singer, polyglot who speaks 5 languages, product endorser, & TV character-inspirer (supposedly he was the basis for Smith Jerrod on Sex in the City)- so I am not trying to front or hate (you know with that preface some shit is gonna be flushing out of my mouth now) but what happened to him? 

He's not a monster- it's not like he has "Rourked" his face- but he just looks so different than his glory days of the 90s.  We all age and sometimes life goes in on us, so it's not graceful-  I get that. But this doesn't even look like the same person. 

I guess the problem is that his body was so shredded, his mane of hair just begged to knotted in a bitch's hand, and his face was so gorgeous you weren't sure whether to thank his parents or slap them for hoggin' all the pretty genes. And no one can maintain that level of beauty for long, especially not if you want to accomplish half of the other things he has in life.

Instead of being a dick about the normal looking man he has become, or celebrating the dude who left me with a lifetime of delicious visuals from the 90s, I am gonna give this cat big ups for doing himself a solid and being smart enough to have 10,000 back ups after modeling stopped paying the bills.

Hunnam Throws Shade at 50 Shades

I just saw that Charlie Hunnam has dropped out of the cast of 50 Shades of Lame. In other shocking news, the sun rose in the east this morning.  First off, Charlie had to realize that he wasn't a great choice as Christian Grey if E.L. James originally wanted that "twipire" (Robert Pattinson) to play him- that's like ordering an Appletini and getting a double shot of whiskey in a kinda dirty glass. Secondly, Hunnam probably actually picked up the book for the first time, read some of that drivel, and decided that they weren't paying him enough to sell his thespian soul.  And finally, can you imagine the shit that kid would have taken walking onto the set of Sons of Anarchy if they were still shooting when that movie was released? I'm sure he did and when he combined that with the thought of winning his first Razzie, he called E.L. James directly and (without even identifying himself) just said, "Bye, bitch."  

Unfortunately he wouldn't have looked like this in the movie anyway, so enjoy the hot.

Hot with a Chance of Sexy: Greg Wise

At this time last Saturday, I didn't even know that Greg Wise existed. Now 128 hours later, I am completely in love with this man's face and I cannot stop looking at him. I don't know anything about him except he's a 47-year-old actor (5/15/66; Taurus/Horse), he's married to Emma Thompson, and he has beautiful eyes like Colin Farrell. 

I know it's ridiculous to attribute traits of one man to another just because he has the same beautiful, shining, deeper than Lake Baikal eyes- but I can't help myself:  Something about those eyes just reach into my spirit and touch my soul.  Those eyes are such a dichotomy in their innocent sagacity and their solemn gaiety- they seem as though they have seen everything of all times, but still love the newness of each sunrise.

See?  This is how bitches get hatchets in their skulls:  Thinking that a dude will be nice because he looks like someone from your past who was nice. Or like some movie star that you wanna have sex with. If I were murdered and they were able to find enough of my body to cremate me, my relatives could tell the cops and then etch into my urn, "He probably had eyes like Colin Farrell."

To find out more about Greg, you can check out his Wikipedia page, or for a more fun, salacious story, you can read about him meeting Emma, the ensuing love triangle, and a white witch here.